The Effect of Male Privilege on Trans People

So, as a trans guy who didn't come out until I was 14, I was raised in the same way that a cis girl would be. My transfeminine friends, in their late teens, who still aren't out to everyone, were raised like boys. This is messed up, because everyone should be raised the same regardless of gender or agab (assigned gender at birth), but we weren't and kids still aren't.
If you ask a TERF (trans exclusionary radical feminist), trans women have male privilege until they come out as trans, and trans men don't. To a certain degree, they're correct, but that in no way means that trans women are privileged over trans men, and especially not over cis women.
The thing is, my friends were raised with what most people would call male privilege. They were never sexualized or objectified, they were never told what they can or can't be, and they were able to walk places by themselves once they reached a certain age without fear of being harassed, assaulted, or murdered. For men, this is an example of privilege. The ability to grow up carefree is something I always wanted. But for them, it's not great.
I was raised by feminists. Not radfems by any means, but the type of feminists who strive for equality. My dad was friends with mostly women, many of whom were queer. My mom was the one who, as straight people often say, wore the pants in their relationship. And she raised my sister and I to strive for our goals and never give up on something just because a man got there first. But even with parents who saw all genders and sexes as equal, we still were brought up in an uncaring, sexist world. So my mom still taught us how to be "ladies"--both of us hated that word, but we listened. We were taught to be wary of men. We were taught to always have someone with us when we walked in the dark, or even in the daytime in most places. We, especially my sister, were prevented from wearing clothes that were too revealing. And the world around us taught us more and more lessons, some the hard way, about how women and those perceived as such need to live their lives.

So why do I now have a privilege over my transfem counterparts? It's a rough world for all of us. All of us have to be careful, and all of us can be attacked at any second. The difference is that I'm prepared. I know to be cautious because I was taught to, as a woman and now as a trans person. I know how to avoid certain situations, and when to keep quiet. Most trans women learn these lessons over time, too. But many didn't have someone to teach them these lessons when they were a kid. Their parents and the world around them brought them up believing they would have an easy life, at least if they were white in a first world country. TWOC were also taught caution, but not in the same way as POC that were assigned female at birth, because there are certain fears that POC have, and certain fears that "women" have. All of them are unfortunate, and shouldn't have to be feared, but this is how the world is right now, and children are raised to fall into a certain category of privilege or oppression. So most trans guys were raised to deal with oppression and may end up with privilege our parents didn't expect, depending on how well we pass. Trans women, however, at least if they came out after a certain age, were raised with the expectation of privilege, and once they come out that privilege goes away.* If they're lucky and pass well enough, they may only get the oppression of a cis woman, which is bad enough and which they still weren't prepared for, but if they don't pass, they're treated even more horribly, by cis men and women alike.

You may be wondering why I think I'm qualified to speak about this subject. I certainly don't want to speak over trans women, but there are some people who need to learn this lesson and are way more likely to listen to me. Again, this is a privilege I have, which I will use to the best of my ability in order to uplift and support those without it. I also know about this subject because I have friends who are trans women or transfeminine. They're all white, which is common where we live, but this means they were raised by parents who thought their children would be the top of the food chain. My friends were raised thinking they could go anywhere they wanted at night as long as they were wearing reflective clothing. They were taught to trust people, and that they could step in to protect others. Now I still see the effects of that on them, and it terrifies me, because I don't want them to have to learn the hard way. They trust people, and go into situations that are only safe for cis men and those who pass as such. When I told my sister my friend was afraid of taking the bus, she said, "That's valid. I am too, and I'm far safer on the bus than she is." But my friend wasn't afraid of the bus because of the strangers or the publicity of the stops. She was only afraid she'd miss her stop. My other friend is always talking about how they're going to beat people up, or interact with people who have hurt me or my sister or their sister or our friends. It's the societal expectation that was ingrained in them, that they were a man and therefore stronger than women, and that they need to protect women or anyone smaller than them. But my sister would be a lot safer in a fight with any of these people, most of whom are cis guys. She's stronger than them, and she was raised to use tactics other than brute force, under the assumption that she wouldn't be stronger. And that assumption has saved many people, even when it's an often incorrect assumption that should never have been made. So people who weren't raised with that assumption are only privileged over those who were if they wouldn't be saved by it too.


*Author's note: The solution to this is not for trans women to stay closeted. They are still women, even before anyone else knows, even before they know in most cases (some say that they weren't before, but most trans people don't like it when it's implied that we were a different gender before). The benefits of transitioning far outweigh the consequences, even when trans people and women and especially trans women are mistreated by pretty much everyone else in society. The solution is for people to treat men and women and cis and trans people as equals.